Review of Secrets of the Seven

From a perceptive and talented fifth grade reviewer:

The Founders
Death Valley, CA

Historians are thrilled by the discovery of an artifact in a remote region of Death
Valley earlier this week, and rumors are that more are to be discovered. I assume you are wondering what this artifact is. If I told you, I’d have to kill you. Before you go all whiny on me, make sure to write your will.
This artifact is a key. I know, disappointing. But not just any key. This key is valued at over $6,000,000. This is the key of Benjamin Franklin, the Founding Father of the United States of America. The one from the famous story about the kite.

Benjamin Franklin did more than just mess with electricity. He also started a group call the Founders . The Founders is a group of seven famous figures of the late eighteenth century, and early nineteenth century, including Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, and Benedict Arnold.

Each of the Founders chose one artifact to represent them.
Finding all of the artifacts will supposedly do something amazing,
if not magical.

The artifacts got harder to find, because they were found and then hidden again during the American Civil War, due to “trust issues,” as Sam Solomon so elegantly put, during an interview.

Sam Solomon is one of a group of four people to find this key. The other three are Theodore Washington, Evangeline Temple, and Martina Wright. Theodore is the descendant of George Washington — I would say great great great etcetera, but even Theodore doesn’t know how many greats.

Evangeline Temple is the relative of Benjamin Franklin himself. The reason her last name is Temple is unknown, but the most common guess is marriage.

Though always “Wright,” Martina doesn’t have any special ties, just like the young man Solomon. A good thing to know is that they always argue, which is apparently the best way for them to get stuff done.

Two days before the amazing discovery, Sam Solomon and Martina Wright had to execute an emergency landing after their pilots and chaperones passed out from poisoned water, victims of an attempted murder. A suspect, Gideon Arnold, has been identified and remains at large.

Arnold, along with his thug Flintlock, is a descendant of Benedict Arnold, the disgraced traitor from the American Revolution. Mr. Gideon Arnold wanted the key in order to become one death-defying puzzle closer to obtaining all the artifacts.

At this point, you are probably asking yourself how Sam got into this mess. The simple answer is through the machinations of the short-lived and now defunct American Dream Association.

The long answer points to a website of puzzles that Sam and Martina both aced. Advancing from changing his friend’s grades on the school’s computer, Sam is now on an adventure of a lifetime, which includes burning down a door with a deadly sundial, falling through a pit into water, solving a puzzle underwater, and almost getting smashed to pulp by a ceiling. If that doesn’t make sense, imagine the trash compactor from Star Wars: A New Hope on its side.

Sam Solomon expects to go on multiple journeys after this one to find more artifacts. Benjamin Franklin’s key has a clue inside it leading to Thomas Jefferson’s artifact.

After reading all of my private investigators’ reports on this issue, Thomas Edison’s great great granddaughter commented, “Dis don’t make no sense.” She has the IQ of a hamster. (The investigators set me back $1000 dollars an hour. I feel cheated.)

“Scary, death defying, creepy. It basically felt like the gates to heaven were opening and closing,” Mr. Solomon says in the same interview.

If you would like to go on this trip, all I have to say for you is, “Too bad.”